Hey guys! I have decided to go back and work through my latest draft of White Wings and I need your opinion.
Should I keep it in first person narration? Or should I change it to third person?
First person (original):
I felt a presence
behind me and turned. Cole stood with a
deep scowl on his face. I could sense
his quiet anger, and it frightened me.
“Why are you
talking with a Kril?” he asked me in a tone lower than I had ever heard him
speak. I winced at his use of the harsh
term.
“Don’t call him
that,” I said.
“He has no
wings. There really isn’t a difference.”
“Rilind is not a
criminal, Cole,” I shot back. Cole
flashed me a wicked glare.
“Why are you
defending him? Hasn’t your family been disgraced enough? You should be grateful
I’m still talking to you.”
Third person:
Rae felt a presence behind her and turned. Cole stood with a deep scowl on his face, his anger evident and frightening.
“Why are you talking with a Kril?” he asked in a tone lower than he'd ever spoken. Rae winced at his use of the harsh term.
“Don’t call him that,” she said.
“He has no wings. There really isn’t a difference.”
“Rilind is not a criminal, Cole,” Rae shot back. Cole flashed a wicked glare.
“Why are you defending him? Hasn’t your family been disgraced enough? You should be grateful I’m still talking to you.”
Thank you so much for your help!
God bless,
~Amy Rochelle
I think I like the first person. I tend to like that better, it feels more personal to me. Sounds like an interesting story!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Thank you so much for your help!
DeleteHonestly, I'm not overly fond of first person POV, however, of the two excerpts, I like the one in first person. The thing about your writing is that it tends to be full of lots of short story sentences, without many long sentences to break it up. In first person I tend not to notice that as much. If you were to switch to third person, I would suggest varying the sentence length and structure somewhat. Until I read this third person excerpt, I hadn't realized how many short sentences there were. As a side note: I kinda hate Cole all of a sudden. This story sounds really cool!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback! Yes, sentence variations are something that I need to work on. *cringes*
DeleteHating Cole....is that like a good hate, like hating a villain? Or is "this character is just awful and annoying" kind of hate?
Well, he seems awfully stuck up and self righteous. I've only read a tiny bit about him, but from what I've read he seems to fit into the "awful and annoying category."
DeleteHe has a little bit of that, but that's how he's been taught to act. Deep down he's really just scared to be any different. He goes through a lot of character development in this story.
DeleteAhhhhhh, he's one of THOSE characters. Got it.
Deleteyep. :) I will definitely be extra careful now to make sure he's not too overbearing or annoying.
DeleteI like the first person, but that might just be my preferences. I tend to write a lot in first person because it helps me get inside the character's head easier, so I tend to like it better.
ReplyDeleteBut in reading Shannon Hale's books, most of them are in third person, yet I always feel like I've just read a first person POV. So I guess it depends on your style and how deep you get in the character's head?
Good point! It's definitely easier to get into their head using first person narration.
DeleteIt may be because I'm biased toward that point of view in general, but I like the first person POV better. I felt more involved and invested in the characters that way. Not that there was a ton to read... :/ The snippets you post are always too short!! You need to publish something so I can get more than the normal 250 words... :P
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I plan on posting edited chapters of my novel White Wings sometime in the (hopeful) near-future on wattpad: http://www.wattpad.com/user/WritingMaverick1996
DeleteOh, yay!!!! *snatches link and follows* That's exciting!! :D :D :D :D
DeleteI would have to agree with everyone else. The first person gets you directly into Rae's head. And, in a way, into Cole's head through the way Rea interacts with him. Writing in the first person is hard, but it gives the story more depth.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback! It looks like I'll be sticking with first person point of view then. Now for the fun part: revision and editing.
Delete