Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Two-Fifty Tuesdays #11

Excerpts of my writing consisting of 250 words. No more. No less. 

The following passage was taken from Chapter 5 of my novel, Guinea Pig Maverick

     A distinct growl comes from behind me.
     “HANDS UP! I want to see them now!” 
     I push myself to my knees and raise my shaking hands above my head.  I stare into the barrel of a rifle that’s just inches away from my face.  A single dog is watching me with his tail wagging and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.  He cocks his head at me.  I just narrow my eyes at him.  Little snitch.
     One man, a guard, puts his gun away and pushes me back down to the dirt.  My hands are cuffed behind my back and I stiffen.  These are not ordinary cuffs.  More like shackles. Several inches of metal clamp tightly onto my forearms.  There is no wiggle room at all.  Two men pull me up in a dead lift back to my feet.  The barrel of the gun meets my face again.
     I’m too scared out of my mind to try to do or say anything. I don’t know what these people want, and I can’t stop staring at that gun.
     A man pats down my chest.
     “No tags,” he comments to his colleague.  My arms are lifted up slightly at my back, forcing me to bend forward.  The same guard pulls something out of his pocket and turns it on.  It looks like a small UV light.  He walks around to my back and I can only guess at what the light’s purpose is.
     “Negative,” the guard says.  He sounds surprised.  The ...

God bless,
~Amy Rochelle


  1. This is cool! I like it! One suggestion, maybe instead of saying "too scared out of my mind" you could just say "too scared." I would do this myself, because "scared out of my mind" is a cliché, and most people recommend steering clear of cliché's in your writing. Not that it's bad or anything, it's just a suggestion, you could take it or leave it. I like this excerpt a lot. What's with the dog? Or is that classified?

    1. Thank you so much for your constructive feedback! That sentence was bothering me and now I know why. I'll be sure to revise that.

      The dog isn't TOO important, but he is the reason my character winds up in a sticky situation.

  2. Cool. I like dogs. One thing I thought I should tell you. I know names aren't copyrighted or anything, so I named Destiny's (my MC) dog Shep, after your Shep, because my Shep is something of an attack dog, and your Shep is just as scary. You can find a picture of him here: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/423197696210857757/

    1. Oooh, he's so pretty! That's pretty cool. Shep is actually named after the fact that he's a sort of "guardian" or "shepherd." Although he isn't as kind as he first appears.